To-Do List Before Your Death
Not a bucket list, but a writing prompt instead...
A softer, more melancholic space—because I believe we experience life more vividly by looking at death. Elegy and obituary, beautiful words both, language for the abyss.
At forty-five and in cheerful if imperfect health, death dances in faraway shadows. Most of the time. While I know it’s right there, close by, touching the lives of people I love, and my life, too, with elegant, final hands, I often ignore it.
But because we’re people who love words—and really, why would you be reading on Substack if you didn’t, right?—we do have a way to garner ourselves. To encounter death gently.
Writing down your wishes for your funeral and sharing them with people you love is a gift. To them. To yourself.
A couple of weeks ago, I began looking at this with you, so here’s a little more that may be helpful. This list below from Legal Wills has the potential, I think, to be a writing exercise for anyone. I’ve added to it so you can begin, giving you and the people you love freedom and grace. I believe.
I’ve bolded what might be useful to think about for your funeral because we started that in the other post (linked above). And I’ve added a couple of other elements that come to mind. So, my prompt is to write short answers for each of these as if they are questions…. Skip any you don’t want to deal with today. And, as always with writing, remind yourself that you can edit. This is a malleable work.
Existing Will
Body/Organ Donation
Handling of the Body
Final Disposition
Funeral Plan
Mortuary
Notification to Friends
Armed Services Record
Casket
Appearance
Container for Ashes
Pre-Ceremonies
Final Ceremony
Last Message
Monument/Marker
Epitaph
Commemoration
After the Funeral
Here are my additions:
How is your funeral paid for?
Music and readings—get granular.
Passwords: who needs them? Where are they? Because MAYBE you wrote these answers on your computer and MAYBE no one else can ever find these words otherwise…
Wishes for your children, pets, and others who may still need your care, on the day of your funeral.
Please add those pieces I’ve missed in the comments so we can build a useful list for anyone wanting to do this. And share this if it’s useful to you because perhaps someone else may find it useful, too.
If you’re new here, my name is Alice Kuipers and I’m a writer, mother and dog owner transplanted twenty years ago to the Canadian prairies from England. I’ve published fourteen books in 36 countries and my writing has been described as: “For storytellers and story lovers,” by Kirkus Reviews; ‘Gorgeous, heart-ripping, important,” by VOYA; and “Intense and wonderful” by Bif Naked.
Join me for Little Life Lists and more Short Death Stories…
Xoxo
Read: This essay from
struck me deeply this week. It’s about the passage of time and grief, and it’s beautiful:
And here’s a real bucket list that gave me a lot of pleasure. Something else to write this week, if you desire, after you’ve read this from
.
This was such a timely post for me to read today as this week has our family celebrated the life and loss of one of the "big ones." My mom's oldest brother passed recently and it made me take a look at my mother and wonder if she has her affairs in order. As an only child, of course I'll be the one.
It felt pretty awkward when she said that we should get to a seminar together so I can learn about what needs to happen.
On the other side of the coin, having lost my son who was 28, I certainly got a taste for what it was like to try wrapping up someones life when they pass prematurely. Out of your entire list here the one that stood out most to me was PASSWORDS! That may seem trivial bit trust me, it's not if you're the one who needs them.
Beautiful post and prompt.
After someone you love dies, you want to touch the things they've touched or hear things about them you didn't know before. After my brother died, I would've loved to have had anything written from him to me. So, I sat down one day and penned a letter to the people I loved the most. It was just a couple of paragraphs stating how much they mean to me and complementing them on personal qualities like their integrity, kindness, compassion, etc. I put it with my will and I hope they will find comfort in my words when I'm gone.