This was a comforting read. I’ve struggled for so long with the idea of finding my purpose or calling in life, and feeling like I’m not as far along my journey as others. What I’ve started to realise recently though, is that what makes me truly happy and at peace, is the time I spent with my wife. The little things we do, the ‘mundane’ moments, the everyday, normal stuff. That’s what it’s all about and where I find my peace.
What a beautiful part of your life to notice and pay attention to. Thank you for sharing this with me—it’ll remind me to pay more attention this morning with my partner. We’re at a stage where life has been getting between those lovely mundane moments.
And I know what you mean about purpose, too. I’ve thought about it a lot before during and after this piece.
I am just now reading others work after being away from writing for almost a year. There are so many wonderful Women Writer's here 😊 making the process of sorting reading lists...well long. I have made many Writer's recommendations and even provided blurbs for each. I always wondered if my effort was in vain. Now I see Substack taskmasters have implemented a great variety of methods to form collaborations and share & recommend! Yes Alice I will be sorting and gently purging through the talent here. Yes and thank you for your lovely comment regarding my tombstone share
I really like this. I haven't tried writing my own obituary before, but the short story I'm working on right now centers around what it means to "live" and accepting death as part of that — so, that's why this article caught my eye.
"[M]ake most of our days carry meaning" is something I'm going to work with for sure.
That's really interesting to me because I struggle with living too much in the moment and not feeling super thrilled about or planning much for the future (with it all being so fleeting and uncertain anyway). I'm glad you're finding more grounding — it's so important but can be so elusive.
I like hearing about the place you’re at. I know it exists but finding that place where I’m really in the moment is hard for me, so it’s good to hear ❤️
Mine helped me find my direction, I enjoyed it. I’ve had to do lots of things like this as I’m a therapist familiar with loss. If I were dying it would have been a whole other story 🙏🏻
Yes I did and I gave a copy to my cousin in case I wasn't able to have my wishes known. The lines were written when I felt very alone and very close to death. I stand by my words and still want them on my tombstone. I have since survived my ordeal, and although my grave site had been selected I don't think my words will ever be inscribed there, as my 'family' would not allow the truth of my abandonment to be on display for all eternity.
As I navigate away from my old purpose driven life, I find the very simple daily interactions with those I love are THE most important part of my day. I can’t believe how backwards I had it before. But as Donna has suggested in her post, it’s a construct that many of us got sucked in to for many years.
Like you I obsessively read obituaries. I miss getting the real newspaper and flipping to the back pages to read them. It’s not the same online. Seeing a full page or more of all those names and lives lived, people loved. It carried weight and gravitas to it.
I haven’t written my obituary but I’ve thought a lot about how I want to go. With my husband beside me, holding my hand. That’s all. I told him my preference is for us to be like those old couples whose obituaries go together because they died holding hands within hours of each other. Those ones get me every time. Death goals! Is that creepy? But if we are fortunate enough to live to old age, that would be my ideal. Kids writing our obit about love and family. 🙏
Thank you for all of this, Kim. We do still get the local paper, which slims every year, but still has obituaries and I agree that there's something about that weight and gravitas.
I don't know if death goals are creepy--it's probably sensible. Writing it all down makes sense to me. When there isn't clarity it's so hard for people who love us to know what to do.
This is so beautiful. It resonates as my parents age, but also for those of us navigating midlife. I feel like purpose is a recurrent theme in these middle years. I know I pondered it until I started writing a few years ago—which has flooded my days with meaning, truly. ❤️ But I continue to hear this question raised and I'm grateful for the enlightened perspective offered here.
I am deeply honored to be included in your essay Alice. It's a humbling and wonderful thing to resonate with someone so much that it seems we could have written each other's pieces!
I have not seen Rivera's poem before and it blew me away with the stark, simple pull it had. 'Services will be held in the heart'! As someone who also loves reading obituaries, this made my heart shout 'Yes!' as I was reading. Thank you for sharing it.
I have not yet written my obituary but I know it will be a powerful exercise in living fully so it's something I plan to do.
P.S. I am not leaving a poem here because I cannot think of one that comes close to what you shared. However, if I come across one I will drop it here for sure.
Thank you, Donna. Your words connect very deeply with me and I appreciate you writing here. I love that line, too. “Services will be held in the heart” feels like an important way to be held and seen in this world.
I was listening to this podcast today and the concept of “writing your own happy ending” was mentioned as a method of guiding your everyday decisions and actions.
Thanks for another thought-provoking post, Alice. As I'm working through grief on my SIL's imminent passing from cancer, her bravery and spirit has also reminded me of the importance of living each day with love and gratitude at the core.
This was a comforting read. I’ve struggled for so long with the idea of finding my purpose or calling in life, and feeling like I’m not as far along my journey as others. What I’ve started to realise recently though, is that what makes me truly happy and at peace, is the time I spent with my wife. The little things we do, the ‘mundane’ moments, the everyday, normal stuff. That’s what it’s all about and where I find my peace.
What a beautiful part of your life to notice and pay attention to. Thank you for sharing this with me—it’ll remind me to pay more attention this morning with my partner. We’re at a stage where life has been getting between those lovely mundane moments.
And I know what you mean about purpose, too. I’ve thought about it a lot before during and after this piece.
I am just now reading others work after being away from writing for almost a year. There are so many wonderful Women Writer's here 😊 making the process of sorting reading lists...well long. I have made many Writer's recommendations and even provided blurbs for each. I always wondered if my effort was in vain. Now I see Substack taskmasters have implemented a great variety of methods to form collaborations and share & recommend! Yes Alice I will be sorting and gently purging through the talent here. Yes and thank you for your lovely comment regarding my tombstone share
Thank you for taking time to write to me here, and read, De ❤️ I love that you’re coming back to your writing.
I really like this. I haven't tried writing my own obituary before, but the short story I'm working on right now centers around what it means to "live" and accepting death as part of that — so, that's why this article caught my eye.
"[M]ake most of our days carry meaning" is something I'm going to work with for sure.
Thank you. I’ve found that thinking about all this is grounding me better. I’m able to pause and focus into the moment, somehow.
That's really interesting to me because I struggle with living too much in the moment and not feeling super thrilled about or planning much for the future (with it all being so fleeting and uncertain anyway). I'm glad you're finding more grounding — it's so important but can be so elusive.
I like hearing about the place you’re at. I know it exists but finding that place where I’m really in the moment is hard for me, so it’s good to hear ❤️
So long as you continue to lean into the bits of presence that you do find, you'll get there. <3
Love this! I have this in my drafts, such a great thing to do!
It can unstitch you a little. I had to take a couple breaks through the weekend—even that is new to me. Let me know how it goes, Kate.
Mine helped me find my direction, I enjoyed it. I’ve had to do lots of things like this as I’m a therapist familiar with loss. If I were dying it would have been a whole other story 🙏🏻
Thank you, Kate. Finding direction is a good insight on this. I think that’s what the unstitching is about…
Yes I did and I gave a copy to my cousin in case I wasn't able to have my wishes known. The lines were written when I felt very alone and very close to death. I stand by my words and still want them on my tombstone. I have since survived my ordeal, and although my grave site had been selected I don't think my words will ever be inscribed there, as my 'family' would not allow the truth of my abandonment to be on display for all eternity.
That sounds like a hard process with a lot of pain. I’m grateful you survived the ordeal and that you took time to write to me here xoxo
As I navigate away from my old purpose driven life, I find the very simple daily interactions with those I love are THE most important part of my day. I can’t believe how backwards I had it before. But as Donna has suggested in her post, it’s a construct that many of us got sucked in to for many years.
Like you I obsessively read obituaries. I miss getting the real newspaper and flipping to the back pages to read them. It’s not the same online. Seeing a full page or more of all those names and lives lived, people loved. It carried weight and gravitas to it.
I haven’t written my obituary but I’ve thought a lot about how I want to go. With my husband beside me, holding my hand. That’s all. I told him my preference is for us to be like those old couples whose obituaries go together because they died holding hands within hours of each other. Those ones get me every time. Death goals! Is that creepy? But if we are fortunate enough to live to old age, that would be my ideal. Kids writing our obit about love and family. 🙏
Thank you for all of this, Kim. We do still get the local paper, which slims every year, but still has obituaries and I agree that there's something about that weight and gravitas.
I don't know if death goals are creepy--it's probably sensible. Writing it all down makes sense to me. When there isn't clarity it's so hard for people who love us to know what to do.
xoxox
This is so beautiful. It resonates as my parents age, but also for those of us navigating midlife. I feel like purpose is a recurrent theme in these middle years. I know I pondered it until I started writing a few years ago—which has flooded my days with meaning, truly. ❤️ But I continue to hear this question raised and I'm grateful for the enlightened perspective offered here.
Thank you, Maria. I hesitated before sending it--and yet... I agree that writing floods the days with meaning. I love how you've phrased that. xoxox
I am deeply honored to be included in your essay Alice. It's a humbling and wonderful thing to resonate with someone so much that it seems we could have written each other's pieces!
I have not seen Rivera's poem before and it blew me away with the stark, simple pull it had. 'Services will be held in the heart'! As someone who also loves reading obituaries, this made my heart shout 'Yes!' as I was reading. Thank you for sharing it.
I have not yet written my obituary but I know it will be a powerful exercise in living fully so it's something I plan to do.
P.S. I am not leaving a poem here because I cannot think of one that comes close to what you shared. However, if I come across one I will drop it here for sure.
Thank you, Donna. Your words connect very deeply with me and I appreciate you writing here. I love that line, too. “Services will be held in the heart” feels like an important way to be held and seen in this world.
Thank you for this. Such a good reminder. ❤️
I was listening to this podcast today and the concept of “writing your own happy ending” was mentioned as a method of guiding your everyday decisions and actions.
https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/id1474245040?i=1000651782820
It feels like that to me. It sheds what seems important, but perhaps isn't? xoxox
Thanks for another thought-provoking post, Alice. As I'm working through grief on my SIL's imminent passing from cancer, her bravery and spirit has also reminded me of the importance of living each day with love and gratitude at the core.
I send you love and grace as you walk this path, Sonia. Sometimes it can feel very lonely, but you’re not alone. Thank you for writing to me here.
So true Alice. These are sentiments that deserve reminding
I start my celebrant training this weekend so I've been thinking about all this a lot. Thanks!