Firstly, thank you for the book suggestion. I've read another Joanne Harris many years ago (and--fangirling here--she blurbed my first book which made me soooo happy!) But I haven't read this one. And, secondly, yes, smoking now in my mind ;-)))) Thanks for taking time to comment. I really enjoy your Substack and what you're sharing in the world. xo
Loved this, Alice! And 'Mean Girl' is a great name. Until now, I've not correlated the soothing of my inner critic with writing, so 🤔🤔 I journal a lot and let myself go in a nonsensical stream to evacuate the 'yuck'. Then, my writing in Carer Mentor is a mix of reflection, catharsis and information-sharing...So there is some self-compassion and inner soothing in my process, but primarily, I use the work of Dr Kristin Neff - https://www.carermentor.com/p/resources-managing-the-mental-load - to reconcile-accept & navigate those ugly thoughts. I can't control it. There's been a LOT of self-judgy guilt crap as a caregiver!
My most challenging quest has been to recognise moments when I need to pause, not struggle and create space. Your daughter is so wise! I'm better at it than in 2015, but it's tough for extroverts! It's why Viktor Frankl's quote is my fave (Between Stimulus and response...)
THANK YOU for the shout-out and gosh that photo is amazing! I was thinking of you yesterday & nearly emailed you. You know where I am if you need to vent/just share.
Thanks so much. I’ve been taking quiet moments to explore your resources and o really appreciate what you offer. ‘Break’ week with the kids is doubly challenging, but we’re navigating.
I suspected it might be 'All hands on deck' with the kid's school holidays! Sending some strength, empathy and good karma because we all need a bit of magical luck ;-) take care
Hi Alice, This is very meaningful to me today since I also was battling the inner demons that show up every so often. Some very famous poet or novelist once said something to the effect that the biggest battle we face in life is the one of battling our minds. I am paraphrasing, but the average number of thoughts we have every day is something like 50,000. Many are untrue and many are fear-based. We have to lasso them in and try to control them to hold onto inner peace. Once we recognize them for what they are, I believe we can replace them with thankfulness and truth and all the good things that fill our lives. We often take them for granted. Thank you.
Thank you, Regina, for sharing this. I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of weeks about how to turn down Mean Girl and noticing when she falls quiet. I wasn't surprised she got a lot louder this week with the kids off from school. Not enough time writing, but I should probably lean into it more and let the week be what it is...
Oh yes Mean Girl. She's such a bitch. She is so full of questions about why I think this and that and she's pretty damn annoying. Is it really just a female thing? Do you think men hear voices inside their heads as well? Mine is an engineer so is always right. That's what his voice would say which is not always that helpful to me! I am in the middle of reading ALL the Maisie Dobbs series. It's set in post First World War England so the darkness comes a lot from the time. I am really enjoying it.
Good questions and I don’t know the answers. One of my sons, for sure, has a mean voice making him feel regularly like he can’t succeed. Thanks for the author suggestion! Sounds great xox
Alice, hello and thank you for this. Reading your letter helped me articulate and process my feelings toward my own inner critic, my own desire to know and understand how to have better relationships and a better relationship with myself. My Mantra today after reading your words: “You are wonderful. Keep going.” Simply, keep going. Thanks ❤️
I needed to read this today. Thank you for taking the time to write it down. I sometimes wonder how any art makes it past the inner critics of this world. Yet there are libraries full of books and galleries full of paintings. This was perfectly timed with my first coffee and I enjoyed it immensely. I resonated with the smoking dreams and the second guessing parenting, as well as the writing struggle. My kids are adults and I’m sorry to say, it doesn’t go away. It shifts into new gears. I don’t usually recommend books but I’ve just finished ‘The house that joy built’ by Holly Ringland. Not a novel. Holly wrote about her personal struggle to get past the inner voices and write her best selling novel. It’s excellent. I’m still processing it. Anyway, thanks for your encouraging words today.
I love this: "Yet there are libraries full of books and galleries full of paintings." And thank you for the book recommendation. I'm going to add that to my #tbr list. I'm looking forward to having a little more reading time now the kids are back at school. I'm grateful you took time to share this, Rhiannon. In the hurly-burly of my life at the moment, it feels good to connect on the page with readers and coffee drinkers and people who relate. Thank you!
Great post! For a dark, big-hearted read, I recommend Minor Mage by T. Kingfisher. It's a middle-grade/YA fantasy novella about a 12-year-old who is sent by his village to bring back rain (while his mom is away), even though he's a "minor mage" (i.e. not one of the impressive powerful ones). Speaking of imposter syndrome, he's got some of that, and it's all about finding your strengths and finding forgiveness for people who did you wrong.
I will say that it's pretty dark (there are flesh-eating ghouls and a magician who makes harps out of murder victim's bones), so it's not for all kids!
It’s fascinating to see this inner knowing play out in front of your eyes - your daughter knowing she needs to retreat (as did/do we) and allowing her to honour that need.
This is an extraordinarily valuable lesson!
My heart would yearn for the approval of my extroverted family when I would want to go read but it didn’t really come, or it did but without any real understanding of my needs. (I just wrote about this this week).
Also bravo to you Alice, that you could sit in your discomfort and see what your daughter needed!
Oh, where can I find the piece? I'd like to read it (and will look up your whole Substack a bit later to find it, as I hope it's there!) It was very strange for me, but I was glad afterward that I was patient with myself (and her!)
It is difficult to catch ourselves in the moment and allow our kids to be what they need to be. Far too often I realized what I should have done after the fact.
Here’s that post so you do t have to go hunting for it💕
Firstly, thank you for the book suggestion. I've read another Joanne Harris many years ago (and--fangirling here--she blurbed my first book which made me soooo happy!) But I haven't read this one. And, secondly, yes, smoking now in my mind ;-)))) Thanks for taking time to comment. I really enjoy your Substack and what you're sharing in the world. xo
What I really need is a pen/cigarette and for 'break' week to be over....
Loved this, Alice! And 'Mean Girl' is a great name. Until now, I've not correlated the soothing of my inner critic with writing, so 🤔🤔 I journal a lot and let myself go in a nonsensical stream to evacuate the 'yuck'. Then, my writing in Carer Mentor is a mix of reflection, catharsis and information-sharing...So there is some self-compassion and inner soothing in my process, but primarily, I use the work of Dr Kristin Neff - https://www.carermentor.com/p/resources-managing-the-mental-load - to reconcile-accept & navigate those ugly thoughts. I can't control it. There's been a LOT of self-judgy guilt crap as a caregiver!
My most challenging quest has been to recognise moments when I need to pause, not struggle and create space. Your daughter is so wise! I'm better at it than in 2015, but it's tough for extroverts! It's why Viktor Frankl's quote is my fave (Between Stimulus and response...)
THANK YOU for the shout-out and gosh that photo is amazing! I was thinking of you yesterday & nearly emailed you. You know where I am if you need to vent/just share.
Thanks so much. I’ve been taking quiet moments to explore your resources and o really appreciate what you offer. ‘Break’ week with the kids is doubly challenging, but we’re navigating.
I suspected it might be 'All hands on deck' with the kid's school holidays! Sending some strength, empathy and good karma because we all need a bit of magical luck ;-) take care
Thank you xoxox
Hi Alice, This is very meaningful to me today since I also was battling the inner demons that show up every so often. Some very famous poet or novelist once said something to the effect that the biggest battle we face in life is the one of battling our minds. I am paraphrasing, but the average number of thoughts we have every day is something like 50,000. Many are untrue and many are fear-based. We have to lasso them in and try to control them to hold onto inner peace. Once we recognize them for what they are, I believe we can replace them with thankfulness and truth and all the good things that fill our lives. We often take them for granted. Thank you.
Thank you, Regina, for sharing this. I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of weeks about how to turn down Mean Girl and noticing when she falls quiet. I wasn't surprised she got a lot louder this week with the kids off from school. Not enough time writing, but I should probably lean into it more and let the week be what it is...
Oh yes Mean Girl. She's such a bitch. She is so full of questions about why I think this and that and she's pretty damn annoying. Is it really just a female thing? Do you think men hear voices inside their heads as well? Mine is an engineer so is always right. That's what his voice would say which is not always that helpful to me! I am in the middle of reading ALL the Maisie Dobbs series. It's set in post First World War England so the darkness comes a lot from the time. I am really enjoying it.
Good questions and I don’t know the answers. One of my sons, for sure, has a mean voice making him feel regularly like he can’t succeed. Thanks for the author suggestion! Sounds great xox
Alice, hello and thank you for this. Reading your letter helped me articulate and process my feelings toward my own inner critic, my own desire to know and understand how to have better relationships and a better relationship with myself. My Mantra today after reading your words: “You are wonderful. Keep going.” Simply, keep going. Thanks ❤️
I love this. Thank you so much. I’m going to listen to your kind voice today in my own world ❤️❤️❤️
I needed to read this today. Thank you for taking the time to write it down. I sometimes wonder how any art makes it past the inner critics of this world. Yet there are libraries full of books and galleries full of paintings. This was perfectly timed with my first coffee and I enjoyed it immensely. I resonated with the smoking dreams and the second guessing parenting, as well as the writing struggle. My kids are adults and I’m sorry to say, it doesn’t go away. It shifts into new gears. I don’t usually recommend books but I’ve just finished ‘The house that joy built’ by Holly Ringland. Not a novel. Holly wrote about her personal struggle to get past the inner voices and write her best selling novel. It’s excellent. I’m still processing it. Anyway, thanks for your encouraging words today.
I love this: "Yet there are libraries full of books and galleries full of paintings." And thank you for the book recommendation. I'm going to add that to my #tbr list. I'm looking forward to having a little more reading time now the kids are back at school. I'm grateful you took time to share this, Rhiannon. In the hurly-burly of my life at the moment, it feels good to connect on the page with readers and coffee drinkers and people who relate. Thank you!
Great post! For a dark, big-hearted read, I recommend Minor Mage by T. Kingfisher. It's a middle-grade/YA fantasy novella about a 12-year-old who is sent by his village to bring back rain (while his mom is away), even though he's a "minor mage" (i.e. not one of the impressive powerful ones). Speaking of imposter syndrome, he's got some of that, and it's all about finding your strengths and finding forgiveness for people who did you wrong.
Oh, thanks so much! That sounds brilliant. Maybe I can curl up and read it with one of my kids. Thanks, Ashleigh. I hope your writing is going well!
I will say that it's pretty dark (there are flesh-eating ghouls and a magician who makes harps out of murder victim's bones), so it's not for all kids!
Good to know! Thanks. Maybe just for me to curl up with...
Such a comforting post, Alice x
Thanks, Keris. Mean Girl is a little louder this morning so this is nice to read.
It’s fascinating to see this inner knowing play out in front of your eyes - your daughter knowing she needs to retreat (as did/do we) and allowing her to honour that need.
This is an extraordinarily valuable lesson!
My heart would yearn for the approval of my extroverted family when I would want to go read but it didn’t really come, or it did but without any real understanding of my needs. (I just wrote about this this week).
Also bravo to you Alice, that you could sit in your discomfort and see what your daughter needed!
Oh, where can I find the piece? I'd like to read it (and will look up your whole Substack a bit later to find it, as I hope it's there!) It was very strange for me, but I was glad afterward that I was patient with myself (and her!)
It is difficult to catch ourselves in the moment and allow our kids to be what they need to be. Far too often I realized what I should have done after the fact.
Here’s that post so you do t have to go hunting for it💕
https://open.substack.com/pub/donnamcarthur/p/being-good-or-not?r=1z0b1o&utm_medium=ios
Thank you. Tomorrow, with coffee, I’ll be reading it xox