Rejection, Writing, and a Sweaty Party at 2 A.M: Rejection in writing and in life
A little practice, a lot of humiliation….
How do you deal with rejection? Gin? Sadness? Despair?
(All three have helped me, so I hear you!) Welcome to my messy writing world…
I’ve had a lot of rejections in my life. Boys, jobs, books.
Books.
Books.
Books I’ve sent to publishers, books I’ve written and given to loved ones, books I’ve shared with trusted readers only to hear that they couldn’t get to the end… Because I’m someone who has books published, our there, in the real world, people are often surprised at just how MUCH rejection has played its part in my writing life.
But I’d rather you knew more about that side of things than less. Firstly because it’s all true and a real writing life is (often/always) paved with rejection, and secondly, because I’ve got better at being turned down.
Last week, I was chatting with the charming
all about my experiences with rejection and I sounded, well, pretty patient and accepting that rejection is a part of life. I’d go so far as to say I sounded ZEN!How did I get there? From despairing to accepting? Well, it took a little practice and a lot of humiliation….
When I started writing this, I was going to tell you what happened when I sent out my novel Life on the Refrigerator Door. But instead, we’re headed to a sweaty party many years ago, at two in the morning where I’m sitting on a sofa with a handsome friend, who is laying back, both of us drunk. My hand rests on his shirt and I lean forward to say something, which to my addled mind is sexy.
Not. So. Much.
He bolts up, shock crossing his face, whatever words he mutters irrelevant because his expression says NO.
The music stops, everyone in the room turns to watch, I collapse on the floor in shame.
Not really.
The music keeps playing. I sweetly remove my hand and decamp to a less vulnerable position. Probably tip back another drink or five.
My whole theory of life is that writing teaches me how to be in the world. But this sweaty story on the sofa happened before my writing life took me through the rejection mill so many times that I knew how to cope.
With.
That.
Feeling. (Sometimes. Not all the time. Sometimes, that feeling just sucks.)
Way back then, at the party, and for some time afterward, I was broken-hearted. I had no tools.
I felt broken-hearted because I wanted something that couldn’t happen. The story I was telling about me and that boy wasn’t his story, but I didn’t know that until I tried.
Rejection is you putting yourself out there and discovering that you’re not for everyone, as the brilliant
shares in her essay, here.Her words are so reassuring:
I knew I was writing a book with a strong flavor. But I love strong flavors! Blue cheese. Smoked kalamata olives. (Smoked anything, really.) Very dark, bitter chocolate. Very black, bitter coffee. Chili crisp. Rose lemonade. Dill pickles. Hot curry. An imperial IPA. I find these things delicious, but I also completely understand how they might taste terrible to other people. Taste is subjective.
You’re not for everyone. Your work is not for everyone. So be it!
I’m not for everyone. I wasn’t for that guy.
And so, now, after so many rejections I can’t count them, I know that my writing isn’t for everyone. Sometimes it isn’t for anyone else at all no matter how much I’ve poured into it.
Yet, sometimes, something I write resonates and someone bravely reaches out a hand taking mine in theirs.
It is so hard when you put yourself out there and someone else says, “No.”
Yet it is so magical when you put yourself out there and someone else says, “I understand.”
Walking with you,
xoxo
Alice
If you’re new here, my name is Alice Kuipers and I’m a writer, mother and dog and cat-owner transplanted twenty years ago to the Canadian prairies from England. I’ve published fourteen books in 36 countries and my writing has been described as: “For storytellers and story lovers,” by Kirkus Reviews; ‘Gorgeous, heart-ripping, important,” by VOYA; and “Intense and wonderful” by Bif Naked. Join me for coffee breaks in my writing life.
Xoxo
Rejection of every kind is part of life. It’s particularly difficult when you’ve poured your heart and soul into a manuscript and you receive a pass. It’s the reason writers throw in the towel. It’s simply too hard to handle and who needs it. Well for those of us who do need it, we stay the course. For me I couldn’t bear to abandon my characters and not put every fiber of my being into making sure children meet them some day. These characters would be so disappointed in me. I have to stay strong for their sake.
it’s a very interesting topic and experience to read about Rejection . This happen almost to some individuals who is only choosing friend in the same level, I know it’s a part . of our daily life . Thanks for your writing. I enjoy reading it.